Letter to myself

Saturday 14 September 2013


I started this blog as a way for me to document my year so that I can look back in the future to see what was going through my head at this point in time - because sec 4 year is apparently a major 'milestone' in my life. And I'm graduating in about two weeks. I'm not writing as much as I would like to, and so I don't think it will be particularly insightful for me or anyone in the future to just see photos with no explanation or whatever so here; here is a letter to myself: some thoughts that I have been thinking lately.

It's now thirty-odd days to O Levels. I feel like reality is slowly creeping up on me. It's not like it's even giving me a kick in the butt - I think that would be greatly appreciated. It's more like reality is seeping into tiny cracks, going unnoticed by me, and before I know it, little by little, it will be Day 1 of Os. And the countdown went from 285... 254... 178.... 120... 53... And now 38. Days are flying past me without me making any kind of significant mark on them. It's now just this gradual progression of days in which I do stuff, but I I feel like all I'm doing is not adding up in the end. Like all the papers I do are a trifling attempt to just do some work, and I'm not actually learning anything. Like everything I'm doing is not my "real real" O Level revision because in my mind I'm thinking that I still have time...?

I always thought I would be the girl who would have had revised her entire syllabus by prelims and treated prelims as what its name suggests - a preliminary round. I would have everything so planned and organised that I would be the person who walks into the exam hall in October feeling like I know everything that I need to know.

Now I'm starting to feel that maybe feeling prepared doesn't exist at all. I mean you can never actually "finish" studying. There's always something you missed in the book, something you didn't realise before, new questions to do.... Something you could have or should have done... I don't think that sense of security will ever come.

So anyway, to me, or anyone else in the future, I have no idea what I'm doing. If anything, I'm just getting by day by day, trying to learn as much as possible. And yet, every day when the sun begins to set, I still feel that I'm in a race against the fading light - this is not a metaphor. I feel significantly more stressed as it gets dark, possibly /probably/ because I feel like time is running out.

And so I tell myself, my grades do not define who I am. Sure if I get straight As, I'd be happy for a while, but I doubt that happiness would last long. So instead, I'm trying to have as much fun as I can in my sec 4 year, to spend as much time as I can with my friends and family, and doing what I love to do, because ultimately, I don't want to look back on the year 2013 and think, "yes, that was my O Level year", but more as the year that I enjoyed living and trusting in God for His provision. God will be my abundant source of grace throughout the rest of the year, and even though I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going, I'm trusting in Him to lead me.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Grandma's 80th

September 7th 2013 was my nai nai's 80th birthday party which was 50s/60s themed. 
It was quite a big event, seeing as it was her big 80th birthday, and all the tables in the restaurant were filled with friends and relatives. There was 50s classic rock blasting through speakers, as well as a couple of old Chinese songs thrown in, games about guessing old landmarks in the 50s, and old-school toys like the bubble-blowing thing, the green paratrooper and the tiny plastic fish shaped things (I don't even know what they are called) haha.

Here's some photos of the day 
Ballooooooons
Coe and I. 
Cara, my auntie and my cousin
Mum's beehive hah.
My cousins and my grandma


Then in the evening we went to catch Pangdemonium's Next To Normal. It was aaaamaaazing! Nathan Hartono being in it made it even better ;) The music, the performances and the set (the set, man!) were absolutely amazing. 


Teachers Day

Thursday 5 September 2013


Yay! Teacher's day celebrations today! Prelims have been over for two/three days, and in that time I've watched 5 movies *clap* *clap* *clap* I really hope I can get down to studying during the holidays next week.
I'm quite relieved though, that prelims are over. Phew. Now it's just about staying motivated to study for Os (which are in slightly more than a month ha ha ha ha) Golly, for some reason I'm quite excited for the month ahead - to get back prelim results and get the Os over and done with. Oh and PROM. :D I'm really looking forward to that. 
The concert today was so wonderful - it took the whole celebration to a whole new level it was insane. Well done to everyone who was involved :) Anyway, here's the 4/4 teacher's day video, it's kinda long, so they had to cut out a portion when they showed it today. 

Happy September break, everyone! Have a good one.

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